Totally Lost

Have u ever had sleepless nights coz you keep thinking about things that bother you and you feel like you wanna explode. That you wish you're on a different world where everything seems right and perfect. I did, not just once but a lot of times.. In reality, nothing's perfect and I get to face a lot of trials as I grow old. Right now, I'm lost. I don't know where I'm going... this isn't me.. I usually have everything planned out.. I'm not the spontaneous type of person that lets fate show what's best for me.. I'm a goal oriented person.. I've set my goals from the day I decided to live on my own and become independent.. But now, I dont know where Im going.

You might think that living in the US is easy and ok.. It's hard too.. I miss my family and friends that I grew up with, my home, my room, my bed... I never thought it's gonna be this hard.. Sometimes I just wanna quit.. Leave everything behind and go back home... But I can't, I know I have to fulfill something and I'm almost there.. Thanks to my friends who keep me sane.. there are friends that I constantly talk on the phone (Jill and Mads-our calls lasts for more than an hour), friends that I chat with (Forces girls, east-coast-based buddies), activity partners (Mads, Ollie, John and Tins - can't wait for our kayaking and skydiving plan-sana matuloy..LOL) and a friend that I regularly hangout with that's really close to my heart (sweets).

There are times when I tend to BEG for attention (kasi KSP talga ako.. hehehe) coz I wanna feel that I exist... or sometimes I'm as quiet as a puppy coz I dont wanna talk about anything.. I'm a complicated friend.. a moody one.. Some just wanna give up, some can calm me down and some can really test my patience.. I dont want to be ignored.. small things can cheer me up.. I'm so mababaw.. you can make me laugh and cry easily.. without making any effort..

I dont know if this post makes any sense to you. I just wanna vent out what I feel.. I limit my posts to happy-exciting-lovely experiences coz I dont want anyone worry about me or feel sorry for me..